*Disclaimer* This letter is NOT intended to bash men. This letter is meant to relinquish years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, even down to the seconds of time I have wasted trying to hide MY feelings for fear that HE would know how I feel. Feelings that I have held out of fear that HE would one day realize the power that he has over me. Feelings that ... at times OVERWHELM me to point of tears and mood swings that I. just. can't. understand. This letter is meant free me (and hopefully some of my female followers) from the anguish of unsaid words and silence.
And If I hurt some feelings in the process * Whips hair * so. the. F*CK. what?
... With that being said (or written) let's get to the nitty gritty.
Dear JOHN DOE,
I've been meaning to write this for a while because, well, you've been on my mind for awhile. And as much as I hate to admit that, YOU or rather the thought of you has been embedded in my right hemisphere. How. is. it. How is it possible that you can be in two places at the same time .. Because all the while ...while you're playing with my right side of my brain.. at the SAME time you are fucking my left . *NICKI MINAJ VOICE* How do you do dat shit? How do you? Why do you? Why do I let you?
It seems to be my fault ... I must really enjoy the torture. *Shrugs* I never knew I was into masochism. Every day I catch myself reminiscing about the good times we had ... which is quickly overshadowed by all the bad. It's astonishing and, and, and frightening how rapidly my emotions can change. It's Sickening how rapidly a smile can turn into pursed lips, pursed lips to gritted teeth, gritted teeth to the bitten lips and last but NOT least the tears. You would think that the tears would be enough to cleanse my soul and PURGE me of the FUCKING memories.
There I go on a tangent again. But bare with me because I actually have a point and I have something I NEED to say.
....MAN FUCK YOU !!!
That's not the ALL I had to say. It's just what I had to say FIRST. Secondly, I needed to tell that I love you. YES. I. STILL. LOVE. YOU. Hard to believe right? *shrugs* I TOLD you I was into that masochist shit. Lemme clarify tho, *Whips Hair* I love you but i am not IN LOVE with you. I been fell of that horse llllooooonnnnnnngg after I realized that you were NOT my Knight-in-SHINING armor but rather the pauper disguised as PRINCE charming. And charm is EXACTLY what you did. I can't completely blame you because I let myself fall that shit. ... I was just hoping you would catch me. But, hey ... *shrugs* thanks for letting me hit the ground. I needed that reality check. It was on the ground, that I found myself.
Soooo THANK YOU
Thank you. Thank you for breaking my heart. It taught me how to bounce back. Thank you for making me believe that I was the ONLY girl in the world. It taught me that I was not. Thank you for lying to me. It taught to take shit at face value. Thank you for turning me out. MY NEW BOO loves that shit. Thank you for doing all the BS you did. It taught what I will and will NOT put up in order to be in a relationship. AND FINALLY, Thank you for leaving. Because if you hadn't I would have NEVER reached this point because being IN LOVE with you would've HELD ME BACK.
...and before I finish this here are somethings you should know. Since you've been gone ... my skin is clear, my hair is thick and lustrious, my blood pressure has gone down, my grades have gone up. And this letter is a reflection of the girl I was ... then. You should kick yourself because you will NEVER meet the WOMAN I am now.
Every woman who has ever LOVED a man.