Saturday, November 13, 2010


*Disclaimer* This letter is NOT intended to bash men. This letter is meant to relinquish years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, even down to the seconds of time I have wasted trying to hide MY feelings for fear that HE would know how I feel. Feelings that I have held out of fear that HE would one day realize the power that he has over me. Feelings that ... at times OVERWHELM me to point of tears and mood swings that I. just. can't. understand. This letter is meant free me (and hopefully some of my female followers) from the anguish of unsaid words and silence.

And If I hurt some feelings in the process * Whips hair * so. the. F*CK. what?

... With that being said (or written) let's get to the nitty gritty.


I've been meaning to write this for a while because, well, you've been on my mind for awhile. And as much as I hate to admit that, YOU or rather the thought of you has been embedded in my right hemisphere. How. is. it. How is it possible that you can be in two places at the same time .. Because all the while ...while you're playing with my right side of my brain.. at the SAME time you are fucking my left . *NICKI MINAJ VOICE* How do you do dat shit? How do you? Why do you? Why do I let you?

It seems to be my fault ... I must really enjoy the torture. *Shrugs* I never knew I was into masochism. Every day I catch myself reminiscing about the good times we had ... which is quickly overshadowed by all the bad. It's astonishing and, and, and frightening how rapidly my emotions can change. It's Sickening how rapidly a smile can turn into pursed lips, pursed lips to gritted teeth, gritted teeth to the bitten lips and last but NOT least the tears. You would think that the tears would be enough to cleanse my soul and PURGE me of the FUCKING memories.

There I go on a tangent again. But bare with me because I actually have a point and I have something I NEED to say.

....MAN FUCK YOU !!!

That's not the ALL I had to say. It's just what I had to say FIRST. Secondly, I needed to tell that I love you. YES. I. STILL. LOVE. YOU. Hard to believe right? *shrugs* I TOLD you I was into that masochist shit. Lemme clarify tho, *Whips Hair* I love you but i am not IN LOVE with you. I been fell of that horse llllooooonnnnnnngg after I realized that you were NOT my Knight-in-SHINING armor but rather the pauper disguised as PRINCE charming. And charm is EXACTLY what you did. I can't completely blame you because I let myself fall that shit. ... I was just hoping you would catch me. But, hey ... *shrugs* thanks for letting me hit the ground. I needed that reality check. It was on the ground, that I found myself.

Thank you. Thank you for breaking my heart. It taught me how to bounce back. Thank you for making me believe that I was the ONLY girl in the world. It taught me that I was not. Thank you for lying to me. It taught to take shit at face value. Thank you for turning me out. MY NEW BOO loves that shit. Thank you for doing all the BS you did. It taught what I will and will NOT put up in order to be in a relationship. AND FINALLY, Thank you for leaving. Because if you hadn't I would have NEVER reached this point because being IN LOVE with you would've HELD ME BACK.

...and before I finish this here are somethings you should know. Since you've been gone ... my skin is clear, my hair is thick and lustrious, my blood pressure has gone down, my grades have gone up. And this letter is a reflection of the girl I was ... then. You should kick yourself because you will NEVER meet the WOMAN I am now.

Yours Truly,

Every woman who has ever LOVED a man.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

MIXED msgs

D: Do you miss me?
1:28 AM

Do I miss you? HELL YEAH NIGGA! You know I miss you. Its been 36 hours, 29 minutes and a least 17 seconds since the last time you laid the pipe. Sir, I have been awaiting your call.

Me: Maybe ... Maybe not
1:29 AM

D: Don't act like that. You know I miss you.
1:29 AM

If you miss me then why do I only hear from after the sun has rested and the moon takes its turn being restless? Why don't I hear from you when the birds are chirping ... when the HONEST man is arising out bed kissing his wife, girlfriend, or at least ex-girlfriend?

Me: Act Like what? The chick that aint your girlfriend?
1:33 AM

*fast forward to 1:40 AM*
YEAH, I know the truth hurts ... that Why you haven't you replied. You're NOT MAN enough to even have that conversation with me. It's ok, you don't have to. I know why I ain't your girlfriend. I'm not your girlfriend because I didn't want to play games. I'm not your girlfriend because I'm too much of a freak for your ass. I'm not your girlfriend because I'm too good for your ass. I'm not your girlfriend because you're not looking right now. I'm not your girlfriend because I can't stop being your late night booty call. *smh*

Me: Jk Jk ... you know I miss you.
1: 41 AM

D: I want to see to you ... can I slide thru?
1:43 AM

HELL NO! HELL NO! Fuck you nigga. I REFUSE to be a part-time lover. I am MORE than what is just between my legs. I have hobbies, interests, and ambitions that you don't even ask about. Things that you don't give a fuck about.

Me: Well ...
1:45 AM

D: I just wanna be next to you ... smell the sweet scent of vanilla & coconuts. is that so bad? :(
1:45 AM

*blushes* he remembers my the smell of my perfume. That says something, right? Maybe just maybe ...

Me: It's kinda late but for you I guess I can make an exception ... this one time. ;)
1:46 AM

D: Coo .. see you in a lil bit
1:47 AM

DAMN, what did I JUST DO? I just sold my soul for 45 minutes of some of uncommitted dick & a fake "I care about you" goodnite kiss. Aint I worth more? When did I lost sight of my value? I'm gonna tell this nigga to stay home. FUCK YOU DUDE, you ain't bout to fuck me & leave me with a sore clit & sore heart. I don't need that the dick that bad.

Me: looking forward to it ;)

BUT THEN AGAIN, I guess I do. *shrugs*

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Let me take a moment.

Just. to. express myself.

So many words have ran through my mind. and yet none have passed my lips except these ... "Fuck ME" and the occasional "FUCK ME Please" I wait for the silence ... Hell I live for the silence. No response is needed, you already know your task. Penetration. And you do it well, yet, you don't even understand the magnitude of the task you are performing. TO YOU, you're only penetrating my body. TO ME, you're penetrating my mind, my heart, and my body. Hell my body may be the last thing you're penetrating but you don't see it that way ... and that's cool. Because I have plenty of time to explain it to you.

When it comes to sex ... for me , it's starts with the mind (just like any woman). Within the first *6* minutes of meeting any man I have already decided whether you're "bedroom" material or NOT (just like any woman). Within the first *6* minutes, I've alreadyv sized you up and already categorized you as the friend , the brother, or the lover (just like any woman). 9 times out of 10 the I men I meet are NOT the lover type *shudders at the thoughts of Cincinnati Locals* but for those few men who ARE. Consider your self lucky, in fact you should feel downright special because I'm not just letting you into my bedroom and my "sugary" walls but I'm letting you see a side of me that a lot of people don't get to see and NEVER WILL. No NO NO it's about getting naked because I (and this may or may not apply to all other women ) love being naked. It's about vulnerability. You are getting to see my vulnerable side. The softer, tender, gentler side of me. DON'T take it for GRANTED cuz every one knows I'm a gangZta (just like any womn). BUT like any woman that ever has laid on her back or on her stomach or face down-ass up or back against the wall (Sorry I got carried away *smile*) sex is emotional. Now don't get me wrong because when I say emotional I don't mean like "I love you and let's get married" type of emotional because that is definitely not what I meant. I meant the erotica, the lust, the anticipation (and also the disappointment for all the N*ggas who stroke is Wack [*conscending tone* work on that]). All of these are emotions that I and almost every woman goes through while laying her on back or on her stomach or face down-ass up or back against the wall (Sorry I got carried away AGAIN lol) All of these are feelings that make the mind wonder, the heart race, and the body (hopefully climax but we'll say) shiver. *smile* Like I said before *refer to 1st paragraph* TO YOU, you're only penetrating my body, TO ME, you're penetrating my mind, my heart, and my body.

So brother understand that FUCK ME is a COMMAND, while FUCK ME Please is a request. Recognize that when I take off these clothes & close that bedroom door (or roll up that tinted car window up) I am expecting you to give me your best, NO N*GGA I want your all because that exactly What. I'm. Giving. You. (even if it is just in this bedroom).